The Grieving process - how to Grieve Properly and Cimpletely

Place : Bukit Kiara Equestrian
Speaker: Dr Edmund Ng
Date : 1 Dec 2012
Organizer : GGP Outreach

Introduction
- 6 years ago his wife passed away
- devastated, painful, lonely
- Tan Sri Yusuf shot himself 3 years after his wife died - cannot bear the pain of losing his wife.

Type of Losses
- tangible - home
- intangible
-,secondary - divorce
-,developmental - child leave the home

introductory statement
- death is part of life
- life is unfair - accept it is a fact
- when the person time up, there is nothing can be done
- learn to cope with present and live for future
- cognition - how we think, how we feel and how we behave - effects our life

Nature of Grief
- painful
- unpredictable
- unforgettable
- personal
- solitary
- unique

5 possible outcome of grief
1. Complete return to original state
2. Improved - come out a better person
3. Partial recovery
4. Permanent damage
5. Progressive decline

Consequence of not grieving
- not grieve successfully - prone to illness
- total absence of grieve - not healthy

Three position to avoids
1. Victim mentality
- poor me - self pity
- counter - survival mentality

2. Cure me mentality
- normal grief is not a sickness but a step by step journey that must be taken

3. Bypass mentality
- suppressing grief
- negative energy eating inside you

Grief chart by Davidson 1984
- two years of grieving is fine

Traditional model of grief
- Kubler Ross Stage of Death
1. Denial and isolation - dream
2. Anger and hostility
3. Bargaining - one more chance

Worden task in mourning
1. Accept the reality of the loss
2. Work through the pain of grief
3. Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing
4. Withdraw emotional energy and reinvest the life back

TIME Approach
1. Time
- time is needed to grieve
- it is a process and journey
- no quick fixes
-

How to grieve properly
1. Embrace the grieve
- relax in it
2. know the normal manifestation of grief
- emotional
-- guilt
- cognitive
-- disbelief
- behavioral
-- eating with taste
-- breathing problem
3. Doing the grief work
- effort to confront and experience the grief
- just hidding will not solved

Inherent danger

T - Telling the Loss
I - issues and resolved
M - Meaning is sought
E - Ending

Telling about loss
- opportunity to process
- talk help to release the emotion
- help to confront the denial

What is denial?

Tears bring relief
- bring relief and healing to the soul

I - issues
- issues hinder recovery
- cognitive issues
-- guilt - self guilty - self blame
- confess and deal with it once
- responsible to yourself
- impulse of the moment - take it seriously

practical issues
- finance

Spiritual issues
-

M - meaning is sought
- try making sense
- moving on

E - ending or referral
- new normal - without present of the love one
- what is recovery -
1. Able to talk about the decease
2.

Desire outcome
1. Regain equilibrium
2. Able to function as normal life

When to refer
- disproportionate fear of death - big reaction of sickness
- unresolved theme - better to die

Q&A
1. Expose - phobia
- talk about phobia level by level until it is gone
2. Bipolar
- mania and depression in a split of second
- bipolar and grieve is two different thing
3. Complicated Grieve
- double loss - loss the parent and relative disown her

Speaker : Dr Ng Wai Seng
Topic: Helping Children Coping With Grief

Introduction
- her brother passed away at age of 9
- her brother at 14 was not inform and later came back and he was devastated
- her sister a caretaker for the sick brother - never have childhood
- mum carry the guilt until today
- father disconnect emotionally to the son

4 Tasks of mourning
By Sandra Fox
1. Understanding
- it is ok to ask question
- learning to accept the loss

2. Feeling the loss
- it is ok to grieve

3. Commemorating
- it is ok to talk about deceased person

4. Moving on
- reorganized our life

Understand grief reaction in children:-

1. Cognitive Emotional
- denial -
- guilt - blame them-self,
- acting out - teenager, smoking, tattoo etc

Is not about challenging the authority

Physical & behavioral
- somatic - hollow stomach, headache etc
- regressive

Age - different age react differently
Cyclical - come back again and again
Increasing - intensity in grieve increase
Confused - could said I hate God of taking Dad away
Attention seeking behavior - ask friends help

What children need in grieving
1. Information and explanation
- go with their question
- google - how to explain death to the child
- make connection to things surrounding such as tree leave fall, dog die etc

2. Help in expressing feelings
- see in their drawing, painting
- allow time to response

3. Involving in goodbye
- saying goodbye with the coffin

4. Reassurance

Ways to help grieving children
- grieve map - google
-

What we need to help grieving children
1. Eyes to see grief
- monitor their behavior

2. ears to listen to grief
- empty cup - allow pain to be pour to you
- allow small hole at the bottom to leak through

3.heart to embrace grief
- pay attention
- own
- accept
- embrace grief like a friends
- treat grieve like a friends
- be positive with grief

Grief = Love

13 Healthy Foods to Eat

13 Healthy Foods to Eat

Here are some foods that are bursting full of health benefits but somehow never make it to most people's plates.

Starting today, make sure you include them in your everyday diet.

Pumpkin: Pumpkins are fibrous, and boosts immunity

Pomegranate: Pomegranate juice is full of antioxidants and helps lower blood pressure.

Turmeric: Turmeric is said to have anti-inflammatory properties and fights cancer.

Dried plums: Plums are packed full of antioxidants.

Swiss chard: This green leafy veggie is full of carotenoids that protect the eyes against the effects of ageing.

Sardines: Sardines are heavy on omega-3, full of calcium, iron, magnesium, potassium and vitamin B.

Blueberries: Blueberries are known to improve memory and mental health.

 

Gobi berry: The goji berry is used to protect the liver, and to improve immunity longevity, and fertility

Guava: Guavas are great for the digestive system, as well as in controlling high blood pressure and lowering the risk of cancer.

Cabbage: Cabbages are loaded with a chemical called sulforaphane that is known to fight cancer.

Cinnamon: This super-spice helps control blood sugar and cholesterol.

Beetroot: Beets are a rich source of folate and are thought to be a natural way to combat cancer.

Pumpkin seeds: The seed of the pumpkin is full of magnesium, and is known to lower the risk of early death.

D LInk DIR 300 setup

router IP: http://192.168.5.1/st_device.php

wifi id - jonathan12

sims 3 pet animal distorted

problem - the dog look tear apart..

googling around, it seem like it is a bug..

http://simsvip.com/2011/10/19/sims-3-pets-error-distorted-animals-2/

this guy seem to have some solution..need to check it out..
http://forum.thesims3.com/jforum/posts/list/0/467105.page#69879

below is the step..test it out see if it work...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Download:

Megaupload

Version Build_3383
Version 3.0

4shared

Version Build_3383
Version 3.0

Installation

After the end of the download winrar unzip the file with the password "exterminadordownload."
Copy the file for your operating system:
If 32-bit copy the files from folder 86
If 64-bit copy the files from folder 64
Paste the files in C: \ Program Files \ Electronic Arts \ The Sims 3 \ Game \ Bin
If the version Build_3383 not recognize your video card, download the version 3.0
Pros: Removes the deformation of the animals.
Cons: In some cases alter the resolution and brightness of the game, a banner in the left corner of the game all the time and cause a little lag. 

TESTED - BOTH FILES ALSO NOT WORKING AND THE LAGGING IS BAD....

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 

there is another solution about rendering below
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120228035345AAHSntB

this site give a good information about the graphics card support

http://sims3.crinrict.com/en/2011/10/error-distorted-animals.html

Cards known to have a problem:

• Intel G33/G31 Express Chipset Family
• Mobile Intel(R) 965 Express Chipset Family
• Intel GMA 4 Series
• Nvidia GeForce 6200
• Nvidia GeForce 6150SE
• Nvidia GeForce 7100 (not supported)
• ATI Radeon Xpress 1250

my computer spec
Intel G33/G31 Express Chipset Family
Chip Type: Intel GMA 3100

Sims 3 -how to upgade without error

try to watch this youtube and learn and try to see if can do the sims 3 upgrade without error..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLE4vLUzosU

Sims 3 - how to mount the Sims 3 file in the virtual CD drive

steps

1. create the Drive in Power ISO
2. Open up the sims 3 file using PowerISO
3. Mount in the virtual Drive
4. You will see teh virtual CD in your file explore

note : if you restart your computer, the viurtial CD will be gone and you need to repeat the above steps to get the virtual CD, if not, you will encounter the error of asking you to insert the sims 3 CD when you try to play...

sims 3 pet installation log

step

1.  create the drive in Power ISO

2. Mount the CD in the Drive

3. Run the Setup file

question - I did not replace the TS3 file in the Bin folder, but it is still working...strange..may it already consider the sims 3 TS3 file that I repalce, hence in sims 3 pet don't need to do this anymore..

below youtube did replace the TS3 file in the Bin folder...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njtTABVBLZ8

sims 3 pet problem

problem - installed and when try to play, it will ask to upgrade the sims 3 to the latest version, after upgrading  and it cause problem -

try to play sims 3 pet, and already done the creation of the pet play house etc..then suddently it is not working..kind of like the sims 3 and sims 3 pet version is not match...


sims 3 version = 1.26.89.013002

sims 3 pet version -

Sims 3 error - need to insert sims 3 CD

problem - try to play sims 3 after overnight, got the error -  game disc found please insert the sims 3 pets game disc before proceeding

solution - monnt the sims 3 CD in the Drive using Power ISO, the reason is after PC restart the Drive dissapear and when you try to play sims 3, it try to look for  the CD, hence the PowerISO kind of creating the CD in your computer to let sims 3 dictate it..

it work..

try to find crack for this..yet to find one..

How To React In A Tyre Blow Out

DON'T PANIC AND DON'T JAM BRAKES SHOULD YOUR FRONT TIRE BLOW OUT
DURING YOUR DRIVING.  This clip can save you and your family from the
mishaps of an accident. Tires blowing out during high speed is very
dangerous and the pointer in this video on how to control your car at
that moment is invaluable. Whether you are driving a Merc or a Kancil,
the effect is the same, as shown in the video. If it happens to the
back wheel, it's not so bad.

1. The warning is:"NEVER HIT YOUR BRAKES!"

 2. Release your foot on the accelerator & let the vehicle slow down by itself.

 3. Hold the steering firmly and keep your eyes on the road.

How To Treat Dog Skin Rashes Naturally

found this..should have thought of Aloe Vera..let try if it will cure the dog rahses..

http://www.organic-pet-digest.com/dog-skin-rash.html

cost of living..

details break down comparison of cost of living..

http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/compare_cities.jsp?country1=Netherlands&city1=Rotterdam&country2=Malaysia&city2=Kuala+Lumpur

Grab some chocolate, close your eyes and we'll show you how to be mindful

Grab some chocolate, close your eyes and we'll show you how to be mindful

QUESTION: How can you make one, small piece of chocolate taste like the best and most satisfying thing in the whole, wide world? Answer: eat it mindfully.

When your normal reaction to being given one piece of chocolate is to immediately start looking around for the next piece, feeling satisfied comes as a bit of a shock.

But that’s exactly what happened yesterday at the Mind and Its Potential Conference in Sydney. As the woman sitting behind me said: “I kept thinking to myself, ‘imagine all that wasted chocolate that I ate and never actually tasted’!”

She was right. As sensory experiences go, this was second to none. With our eyes closed and our full attention focused on the chocolatey task at hand, everything about the smell, texture and taste of that tiny piece was amplified.

That’s the power of mindfulness, Shamash Alidina told us soon afterwards. Alidina is one of Britain’s leading “mindfulness” coaches, and he is visiting Australia this week for the Mind and Its Potential conference.   

Mindfulness is the practice of keeping your attention in the present moment. That sounds obvious, until you realise that most people spend 50 per cent of their time “not” living in the moment.

According to Alidina, mindfulness is inhibited by the daily onslaught of worry, regrets and planning that can play like a continual loop in our minds. The good news is that starting to become mindful can be as simple as making the intention. 

“You need to say to yourself that for one period every day you will commit to a period of mindfulness,” Alidina said. 

“One way is to find a friend who’d also like to practice mindfulness and commit to eating one meal together every week in complete silence. 

“Just paying attention to the texture, the smell and the taste of each bite sets your mind in a good place.

“Another way would be to take a mindful walk every day. Instead of letting your thoughts wander, focus on your feet and how it feels to be taking steps,” he said. 
The second key to cultivating mindfulness is being kind to yourself. Mindfulness only works if you stop beating yourself up about what you may or may not be feeling.

“That happens when you redirect negative feelings and thoughts by accepting them.
The human mind is naturally wired to tend to the negative.

“It goes back to the time when we were cavemen and had to be alert and always on the watch for next predator or challenge, just to stay alive,” said Alidina.

Managing these thoughts can lead to a more successful life. Alidina suggests concentrating on creating a sense of curiosity about your negative thoughts.

“Ask yourself where in your body you “feel” sad or angry and notice if the feeling increases or decreases, just as a result of listening to your body.

“The surprising thing about negative feelings is that holding onto them makes them worse. Once you accept them and admit to them, you will immediately notice how much “lighter” you feel,” he said.

Acceptance however is not a euphemism for resignation or giving up.
“Say to yourself, I might not like how I feel but that’s how I am feeling right now. This acceptance helps you make room for that emotion and that in turn makes you less bothered by it,” he said.

Other useful facts about mindfulness:

• It can help alleviate depression
• Being mindful can be as simple as focusing on brushing your teeth
• Once you’ve mastered mindfulness, you’ll find life will quickly become less habitual and more interesting
•   
•  
• From: news.com.au

November 01, 2012 12:33PM

•  

Movie Maker for .mov file

finally found out that only in Window 7 the .mov file is supported by Window Movie Maker..

http://www.moviemakerpreview.com/About.aspx

let try with my PC with Window 7..it try to install Window Essential but take too long time, i come back to Vista now and found that can use codec to enable this..

http://www.mediaplayercodecpack.com/

after instal this codec, window movie maker can run .mov file now..yes..

now it take too long to publish...not working..cannot publish..

found avs but need to pay, free version got watermark in the middle of the video..


found this converter, pretty fast and simple to use..

http://www.any-audio-converter.com/free-video-converter/Canon_Video_Converter.php

How to get rid of Hot Shield

try to uninstall got this erorr

au_.exe has stopped working

found below seem like there is a repair tool..need to try it out

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100123062249AACOKmQ